Yes , folks, it's return season , time for all of us to return all the crap we pretend to like , such as the ugly sweater Aunt Sadie gave us , when we said , "Oh Sadie , it's gorgeous", or , of course , who could forget the countless times that good old uncle Nathan , "uncle nose" , as we used to call him, gave us bingo sets for Hanukkah , every year for at least five years ( yes that story is true , Aunt Sadie is not. I don't have an Aunt Sadie) We didn't , however , return the bingo sets , just looked at them and said , "what's that all about?" We never did figure out why he gave us bingo sets , but he gave us them a lot . Maybe he liked bingo , and wanted to share the joy of bingo with us. Maybe he wanted us to open a bingo parlor, I don't know . Relatives are strange , but I don't have to tell you . Any hoo, it's return season , 'cause the economy runs on Chankwanamas presents. It relies on a BIGGG Christhaunakwans buying season to boost the sagging economy, to make it artificially look like it's good , while really , it kinda sucks , what with GM and Ford laying off some 60,000 people in the next five years. Yeah, the economy is fine. Just ask the Haliburton stockholders! They're doing just fine , thank you. It's a "faith based economy" , just prey for money and it'll come to you! So , go to wally mart and get really good prices on crap made in sweatshops by people who try and live on $2,ooo dollars a year , while they could never even afford to buy the stuff they make every day , and to save any money for presents takes them about six months.
But , really , what are the holidays all about? Peace on earth? The birth of Christ? A time in Jewish history , when they didn't have enough oil for the lamps and magically made the oil last eight days , so that we can eat fried potato pancakes and donuts as a symbol of that oil? The kwanza symbols , just recently developed to resemble an ancient African tradition?
Well, folks , here in America, it just means buy , buy , buy! And buy some more, 'cause the economy don't look so good! Well, my mom sent be a big box of mixed nuts, which is nice , but I was expecting something more . I , of course , didn't get anyone anything , as yet. It's part of my fear of spending money I'm afraid I don't have , even though I have some . I just get afraid that if I spend some , I'll spend it all. Irrational as that may seem , it's a fear I have. So buy , buy buy , people ! The money you spend may be your own.
So of course I was expecting more . All the ads on TV have brainwashed me to expect more . Alright , I don't expect a lot , just a new Cadillac el Dorado coupe de ville, if you please . Wait , I don't even like gaudy , self indulgent cars. So, it's another Christhanukwanzmas gone by , and all I got was this lousy t - shirt!!!
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